Tatort Kneipe: A Social Sunday Tradition

Warning, this will get a little bit nasty...
From time to time my friends get the crazy notion to “broaden our horizons.” What this means to me, is that I must be torn from my second home, my beloved bar, leaving my half-drunken beer, and be dragged away with them, as I roll my eyes with an arrogant grin on my face.

The first goal of these trips: to watch Tatort in a public place on Sunday.
Honestly, I find Tatort to be a bit overrated and I bet no one would watch it anymore if it played at a later hour. If you read the Tatort critics in on-line newspapers as well as the comments below them Monday morning following the show, you’d see that most of them find Tatort sh….. But, if there were no Tatort, then there would be nothing more to talk about in the office Monday morning. So we arrived on time at 8:15 pm to watch Tatort featuring Maria Furtwängler. The one thing I was looking forward to was the much heralded sex scene with her. Anyone who has seen Tatort knows that otherwise it would not have been worth it to watch. So we arrived in the room with maybe 30 people laid out around the room, such as in the cinema.

And Tatort began. Although everyone came in groups, no one spoke. That’s how it is even in the movies, which is why I am no particular cinema fan. I do not understand the meaning of it, to go somewhere with friends only to be verbally castrated for two hours or longer.

But back to Tatort. Due to this lack of understanding on my part, we were told more than once to keep our traps shut. Eventually I got a dizzy from all the eye rolling: the people in front forbidding us from using our mouths and next to us – even worse – a couple knitting. It’s worse because of the sounds and also because they probably start a new knitting project from the beginning of every Tatort. But that of course is a matter of speculation. I have experienced public viewing before during the World Cup in Germany. I got what that was about. Especially the part about getting in touch with others, to experience emotions together and strangers laughing or crying together in each other’s arms. Therefore, Tatort public viewing might be better understood in the American sense of the word.
The only people I would advise to watch Tatort in a public place are those with no TV or internet. Or knit-exhibitionists.

I need hardly mention that afterwards we still went to our local pub. But only for about 5 hours. Now and then I couldn't help but think of Mary F.

Now to our second attempt to explore new territory: the pub quiz. And I can already tell - people who go to the pub quizzes are also the people who watch Tatort in a pub.

We tried last week to sign all of us up but all the seats were already occupied. The pub quiz is obviously popular. But we still went very confident. We stood in the drizzle and hoped that people who signed up decided to spend their evening elsewhere, and our hopes were answered: "You are there. Table 75. "

3 rounds of 20 questions. Up to the third question, we still thought we were very intelligent. That thought reduced as our personal challenge took over: to find the funniest answers to each of the questions. Such was the desired answer to the question: what was the theme tune of a television series or a movie that was recorded? Certainly not "Sharp nurses 3". Just as "Snickers" was probably not the right answer to the question: which planet was touted as the alternative site for earth in a certain but already forgotten film?

While the other participants pondered pregnant thoughts about what the correct answers could be, we counted how many drank Club Mate out of the approximately 200 people. There were a lot. Out of principle of a true competition, it was also not allowed to leave one's own team. To me, this yet again demonstrated the absurdity of the meaning of a public event.

Now for the first climax: counting points of the first round. As expected we made it to one of the front seats. Surprisingly there were people who got more than six of the 20 questions right. The groups "Leningrad Politechnika" and "cereal, granola, Yum, Yum, Yum" came up with 18 correct answers. And with a dead seriousness look on my face, a face I usually only carry while watching Ulrich Wickert, the two went for a duel. We recognized after estimating how many points one would have to achieve in order to win the game, our chances were zero. So we took to walking and led ourselves away from disparaging glances.

I can therefore only recommend the pub quiz to people who know a lot and who do not want to use this knowledge in order to open up a real pub.

We of course did not go home. We enjoyed the Monday evening with dancing bartenders and a round of Sour Apple drinks in our local pub.

For me, after my experience, it all looks like this: quizzes and watching Tatort in the the pub are just like balsamic cream dressing on a dessert plate: completely useless.

Postscript for those who now feel denounced: humor is when you laugh anyways.
Maybe next time we’ll laugh together.

By Stefanie Talaska
Translated by Aislyn Rose

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